Starring in the Role of Justin Morneau's Cosmic Killjoy - Corey Koskie??

It has been many months since I last entered any thoughts in this blog. It's not for lack of things to write about; it's due to that pesky post-concussion stuff. When I choose to use the brain power to write in the blog, it tends to mean I'm not able to do other things I'd like to (or need to) do, so I dialed it back to rest the head, and now perhaps I can ease into it again, a little at a time. So I figured, what more appropriate subject to return with, than Justin Morneau's concussion!

Morneau has been working out again, trying to get back into shape after not playing in a game since suffering a concussion/mild traumatic brain injury (the definition of a concussion is to have an mTBI) on July 7 in Toronto, and is hoping to do a rehab stint soon. I haven't read an update in awhile, so I checked out Joe Christensen's column in the Star Tribune on Saturday. It all sounded very good, but I'm struggling with one particular comment from a quote. Christensen mentions that Morneau has received advice from former Twin Corey Koskie, whose career was ended by concussions, and Canucks defenseman Willie Mitchell, who missed half of last season with a concussion. Twins manager Ron Gardenhire's comments about this are what bother me. "You talk to players that ended their careers with concussions -- I don't think you're going to get a lot of positives out of them, know what I mean? They have a lot of knowledge, but we go with what our doctors say. And our doctors say Justin Morneau will be the one to tell us [he's ready] and not anyone else."

Ok, so basically he thinks Koskie & Mitchell will tell Morneau that he's doomed, it won't heal, and don't play? I would be willing to bet my non-existent salary, that they are giving him advice to help ensure that he continues to have a long & successful career, rather than having his season or heaven forbid, his career, come to a close from the brain injury. Koskie & Mitchell both had multiple mismanaged concussions, which very likely contributed to their long-term issues. But I'm quite certain neither of them will be trying to keep Morneau from playing, or talk him into staying on the couch to watch soap operas, if he is feeling good and healed!

To clarify, it appears that both the Twins and Morneau have handled this concussion properly since it occured, so I have no complaint with the athletic training staff; my only issue is with the sentiment behind Gardy's comment. Since concussions don't show up on scans, blood tests, x-rays, etc. (the brain damage from concussions can be found in an autopsy, but that would seem to be a rather drastic step...), Gardy is correct that Justin is the only one who can truly tell the Twins when he's ready. Surveys recently have shown that in professional & college sports, however, players tend to be less than truthful about their symptoms, because they want to play, ignoring the potential long-term (and short-term) results. I'm guessing Koskie is telling him to be honest, and not to say he's fine if he's still having issues, but if he's doing well with the workouts, then keep going and get back on the field. What could be more encouraging to Justin, than to have someone who has seen the worst side of the concussion effects, tell him that based on him being symptom-free during his workouts, his brain is in a great place, and he won't need to worry about Koskie's situation happening to him?

With all the work Koskie has been doing with schools & organizations about concussions, his goal has been to help kids, parents & coaches get the young athletes back on the field in the right way, so once they return, they can stay active, and don't suffer further consequences. I'm quite certain Gardy doesn't want Morneau to come back simply because he is anxious to play, or "chomping at the bit" only to have a minor head hit on a play at 1st or whiplash while diving for a ball become a career-threatening injury. He wants him to come back at full strength, and to be able to stay back. However, just because Koskie's career ended due to concussions, doesn't mean he would tell Justin the same thing will happen to him, anymore than Gardy would tell players they'll never be able to become consistent .300 hitters, just because hitting is what he struggled with most in his pro career.

My life has been drastically changed because of my concussions, and I wish with everything in me that I had listened when my sister told me to stop working (& reading, writing, texting, analyzing etc.) until my symptoms were gone. Instead, I kept pushing through it for over a month, and got worse with each day. Had I listened right away, I may have only missed a few weeks of work and then been back to normal (though we'll never know for sure). That being said, if Morneau was asking me for advice (which seems about as likely as me winning the lottery), I wouldn't tell him to not play, or say that his life was going to be ruined now. I'd say to listen to what his body and brain are telling him. I'm guessing it's insulting to Koskie that Gardy seems to think he won't be positive about the situation. As someone who has dealt with that issue, I guarantee he would be thrilled to see a healthy Morneau back on the field, winning games for the Twins.

So if Justin Morneau still has headaches, or that "not right" feeling he described before, then he should wait until those are gone, no matter how boring it is. However, if he no longer has any of the concussion symptoms while working out, throwing, hitting in the cage & doing the regular stuff of life, then by all means, he should be on track to get to a rehab assignment soon, and join the team when he's in baseball shape & back up to speed!

I Have a Man's Brain, and I Want My Brain Back!

That's what my dad told me last night...that I have a male brain now, and he may have a point. No, it's not because I am a sports fanatic; he's much too evolved to think something like that! And no, I have not suddenly become interested in looking at women in skimpy little swimsuits. Nor do I have the need to always be right and I don't have an aversion to asking for directions. So why do I agree?

Let's take a step back first. After my concussion/mild traumatic brain injury in 2007, I noticed a lot of things changing, including the way I cognitively processed things. I had lost the ability that women have, to truly multi-task effectively. I always used to work on the computer while watching TV and taking work phone calls, and was able to focus on all activities at once (had I not been able to do this, it's possible I never would've had time for any TV shows, or heaven forbid, sports!) Suddenly, I was having trouble doing just one of those activities at a time, let alone more than one. Unfortunately, I had not gained the skill men have, to completely hone in on something and be able to ignore everything around them (like we all know men can do when their wives are asking them to take out the garbage). So I have been sort of stuck in limbo.

However, without me realizing it, I had acquired another "talent" that men seem to have, which I hadn't realized until dad said I had a man's brain now. When I focus on some thought specifically, I don't seem to see that other things around it that would normally make sense. Now I realize I am making no sense either and I may be confusing my brain too much to finish this blog, so let me try another way of explaining it.

Since the day Brett Favre signed with the Vikings, if you had asked me "What date do the Vikings play at Lambeau field?" I would've been able to answer "November 1st" without much thinking required. However, if you had said to me, "Is anything happening on November 1st?" I would've had no idea. (According to the neuropsych tests I had to take, this has to do with being able to recall, but not retrieve, but a blog about a female having a man's brain sounds more interesting than one about recall vs. retrieval...) So if I am focused on a specific thing, I can explain it, but I often can't get that information from wherever it is hiding in my brain, if that is not what is being discussed. Another example would be when I am asked what things I have trouble with cognitively since the brain injury. It is hard for me to list things out; I can never think of things (other than remembering the fact that I have a problem when I need to think of things). But if I am asked specific questions such as "Do you have problems processing information?" or "Do you have loss of long term memory?" I could answer yes & no respectively.

This brings me to the overall point of this whole boring and chaotic stream of thought. Yesterday, I was discussing sports, and was giving the countdown to College Basketball's March Madness & Selection Sunday, knowing that March Madness started on Thursday, March 18, and Selection Sunday would always be four days earlier. But my dumb (male?) brain didn't associate anything else that I knew was happening during that same time, because that was not what I was specifically writing/thinking about. So if you were to ask me what day my sister is getting married, I could tell you it's March 14, but if I am thinking about college basketball events during that week, I don't think of anything else that is at the same time (like cousin Nate's birthday on March 15). This is what my dad said was like a male brain; the ability to focus on something singular like that, without seeing other things nearby, which are not directly connected to my original thought. While I didn't get the male ability to focus enough to block out people talking, or a TV in the background, apparently I now have that kind of focus within my thoughts.

So let's try this portion of yesterday's blog again...Speaking of countdowns, it is 134 days until the beginning of March Madness, which means it is 130 days until Selection Sunday, the present-opening "Christmas" of sports, and more importantly, 130 days until my little sister is getting married, when I will have the honor of standing next to her to show my support and love! (And all of this is indication that she'll need that support since she is marrying someone with a biologically male brain...)

Disclaimer: No men were injured in the writing of this blog. If you are a man and feel that this represents you, it is purely coincidence, and if you are a man and feel this is false and disparaging of you, blame my dad, since thankfully, I don't really have a man's brain, so I had to take his word on this! Now this damaged (and worn out) brain of mine needs to go rest for a long time.

10 Minutes a Day of Writing

I love writing. I always have, ever since I was a little kid, writing Christmas plays to be performed by my family members. Sometimes I "acted" in them as well, but often I just did the writing and directing. I was probably about 6 or 7 years old when I started this tradition (which has long since ended.) I used to write my own stories about another world, called "Archenland." Never mind that my favorite books were C.S. Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia, which included a neighboring country called Archland. I never published those stories, so I think I'm safe from lawsuits. I chose Advanced Composition as an elective my senior year of high school, and I was one of the only people excited about College Writing class my freshman year of college. I then decided I wanted to get a minor in Creative Writing, and signed up for a class with Bethel professor Mary Ellen Ashcroft. Unfortunately, Mono took over & eliminated a semester of school for me, so I had to settle for the double-major of Social Studies Secondary Ed/History & minor of Philosophy, losing the Coaching Minor & Creative Writing minor I wanted to add to my original goal of a Triple Major. I think I'm tired just thinking about all that

But I still love writing. And yes, I know sentences don't begin with "but" or "and." This is my blog though, not a term paper, so I'll write the same way my thoughts go, rather than following what the English books say is the proper way to form a sentence. I already took my ACTs & scored extemely high on the two sections about English & writing, so I have nothing further to prove. Now I can just write for me.

About 2 1/2 years ago, I got a concussion, giving me between 6 & 10 concussions, by my best attempt at a count, not to mention a few hundred sub-concussive head hits on the metal bar from my lofted bed my sophomore year of college. This concussion was different than the rest though. This messed up my brain cognitively, and while there have been improvements, it's still messed up. I used to read a book a day while on vacation. Now I read a book total in 2 weeks of vacation. I used to read 1-5 books a month at home. Now I have read 2 books in the past year. Writing is much more difficult as well. It takes a lot out of me to write simple things like this, which used to happen with ease. I have suddenly developed new spelling issues, and find myself writing the wrong versions of "you're" & "your" or writing a word that is similar to what I meant to write, yet isn't at all the correct word (taught instead of thought is one example). I know what is correct if I proofread it, but the wires are somehow messed up inside my brain now. Yet, I still love to write. The writing perfectionist in me has kept me from creating many blot posts, because I never feel like they are good enough. I'm going to overcome that now.

I am going to do my best to write 10 minutes a day for this blog, whether or not anyone else reads it. There are some days when my still healing brain won't allow that, but on most days, if I properly ration my cognitive endeavors, I should be able to write for 10 minutes. Who knows what I'll write about, and if it will be any good, but I want to do it, even if just to remind myself that I still enjoy writing, and that someday, when my brain is all healed, I want to make sure I write as much and as often as possible.

Today surpassed 10 minutes, but I will sleep soon to let my head gets some rest. My brain works much better when I don't have to analyze things or figure things out. Just spitting out words like this is much easier than even answering a simple question about how my head is going these days. However, I didn't say much of anything in this post, but the point is that I wrote something, and that means at this moment, no matter how many things I feel like I've failed to accomplish since the brain injury, I have successfully achieved one goal today, and that means more to me than I could ever express with written words.